Today there is a hollow space in the world that Derek and Dylan once occupied. That's how today feels. Less full of the good stuff and more full of the dark.

As everyone in Grand Rapids knows, a young youth pastor and his 6-month old baby, Dylan, passed away late Thursday night after their basement caught fire. Every newspaper, newscast and internet post is dominated by the story. And every time they flash Derek's picture, my heat skips a beat and I smile inside and think, there's Derek. And then I realize why they are showing our friend's picture and I begin to cry once more.

I am a Christian. I believe in Heaven. I know Derek and Dylan are there RIGHT NOW. I feel it. But I see the hell left behind right now for the hundred's of people that love them both and I feel that fully too. It's almost a conversely morbid relationship: the bigger the life you live, the more you love on others and inspire and teach, the more we're left with pain and confusion when something this unjust happens. This is the ultimate test of faith. And still his amazing wife Charity finds the strength to both lament her loss and trust God in the same breathe. I only hope I could be this strong.

Even now, 24-hours after having lost a friend of 16 years and all the potential that was within Dylan, I cannot truly say this is real for any of us. Short of obsessive checking of facebook for updates on how we can help, there is nothing to do, but play this over in our heads again and again....what if I hadn't had told them about this great house four doors down from ours that was on the market. What if we hadn't had moved....the fire started at the time we always walked Cali right past their front door. What if our neighbor had looked in the window and saw Derek on the couch rather than just knocking on the door...I guess this is what we do to try and make our heads catch up to the pain in our hearts.

I ask everyone the knew the Taatjes, and even those who don't, to keep them in prayer right now. Charity and his little girls, Ella and JoJo need all the care and positive energy we can muster to help them rise again each day and figure out what the new normal may look like. These children need to grow up knowing who their daddy was. How larger than life he was, not just physically (Derek was imposing at well over 6 feet), but in personality, spirit, and will. The concept that physical harm could have come to him is still unreal to me. They need to remember his booming voice. His constant smile. His prodding questions. His silly antics. His energy and charm. His strong morals. His sense of community. And his trust in God. I hold up these examples in my own life and aspire to have half the impact on the world as he's had.

April is here!

Hey everyone,
As I write, it's 80+ degrees and we're grilling out after a perfect birthday weekend. It appears we are out of our slump! Friday was my 34th birthday and all-in-all I could ask for nothing more.

As most of you have heard, we learned last week that Max's job was spared. He was just three names away from the cuts, but we were blessed by the fact that the school board revised their original estimates from 50 - 60 pink slips to 47...we were shocked once we did the math. Had their original estimates been fulfilled, we would be waiting until August to know if Max still had a job.

And in my work life, I didn't die in a fiery crash when we flew the small, small, very small jet to New York. So that was good too. (I was a little nervous to say the least, though trying to act all Beyonce when we landed at Teterboro amongst the richy riches.)

Max and Ryan spent the week together having fun over Spring Break. I took Friday to be with them and we headed to the GR Children's museum. Ryan had a blast, until we were "those parents" with the screaming, over-tired two-year old. All we could do is laugh.

That brings us to the "What's new with Ryan" portion of tonight's blog. Since I've last written he's:
- Climbed out of his crib again. Only to climb back in without me noticing....that is until I discovered his light on and pillows stacked across the room. He then pronounced "I not fall so I not go to the hospital."

- He's singing his entire ABC's, as well as The Itsy Bitsy Spider, Baby Bumble Bee and parts of Miley Cyrus's "Party in the USA." His musical choices are diverse to say the least. His favorite part of a song to shout out is "Play that hot new thing!" Makes us laugh every time.

- Today we discovered all our once hibernating neighbors, which challenged Ryan's social graces. Highlights include Ryan saying "Peace Out" to his friend as we left for lunch and tonight, when Max and I shook hands with our new neighbor, Ryan stepped forward and did the same, all on his own.

- He loves playing out doors in his play house. He' also pro at riding his scooter fast down the driveway.

- Ryan says "I love you" when we leave in the morning an is getting great at "Please, Thank You and No thank you." He's also been practicing "I'm, sorry for [insert hitting or throwing food here]."

- Last week at Milestones he used the potty twice. We're on our way.

We'll let the pictures do the rest of the bragging. Love to you all!
Court, Max & Ryan

Ryan hanging out with the grownups as we celebrated my birthday.

Everyone questions the color of his hair, but those curls are clearly from mommy!


Ryan loved spending time in the doghouse at the Children's museum.

Ryan was mesmerized by the bubble table as daddy helped him.

Coloring at home in the conductor's hat that Nami and Papa brought home from Arizona.


Ryan camped out in his fort that Nami made him. It fits over out kitchen table. He spends lots of time reading to himself under it.

Daddy and Ryan reading the "History of Chevy Trucks." Did you know the El Dorado's body remained the same between '68 and '67, though the braking system changed? I bet your answer is no. I wish I could say the same.

Getting silly with the yogurt. He now has to open it and mix it all on his own.

Ryan and Henry Danger (Ryan cannot say just his first name) after a night of wood fired pizza at the Elzinga's.


Blowing kisses.

Putting his hands up to the lyrics of his favorite songs. A few weeks ago we had new friends over for dinner. Music was quietly playing in the background, so faintly that the adults didn't notice. But suddenly during dinner, Ryan thrust his hands up. And so did little Abby and her mom and dad. It looked like a bank robbery around our dinner table. Abby's mom asks me (with arms held high), "What's this about?" Loved how she just followed Ryan's lead with no clue what it meant!