I can't lie. This month has seriously sucked. I am simply posting this as a reminder that we are here and that there are lots of positives about our life that shooting through a lens helps me remember.
If I think of this blog as a growing album of our lives and times, then I should probably be honest about the rough patches too. We are well aware that life has seasons. Good and bad. Ebb and flow. We walk beside friends carrying HUGE burdens. Wrestling with issues larger than we have ever carried, or even currently carry. But as my bestie likes to remind me (and she's carrying a load that I can't fathom), it's all relative, right? Staci reminds me that it's ok to be honest about this. I just can't wallow too long. It's taken me the month of January to get this calibration right, and some days, it's admittedly off in either direction. I will honestly acknowledge that if I were to list our family's vulnerabilities on a piece of paper, of our heart, situation or mind, each has been tested in the month of January. From work drama, to health issues, to stupid little things like flat tires that result in no forward progress, we have been hit.
The good side? Because there is one. We certainly know who our friends are that love us. That our family has our backs. And we're learning that the world will not tell us who we are, or reward us for our good intentions. Those transactions and truths should be left between us and God.
The revelation that we couldn't act like everything is ok came to bear with Ryan. Our suddenly well-behaved, super-engaged, kind-hearted kid somehow lost his empathetic groove and we started getting behaviour reports from school. He was a little more naughty at home. Small sneaky acts were piling up uncharacteristically. This was new. Thank you terrible month of January.
What we now realize is that the story we were spinning, "yeah, all these sudden changes aren't BAD for our family, everything is all good, mommy and daddy aren't hurt and spinning, everything is great," wasn't adding up in that very smart brain of our little boy. And what I've come to learn over time is that we humans do everything within our power—even on a subconscious level—to equalize our inside feelings with outside behaviors. So Ryan feels like we're not being honest about what's happening....he sneaks vase filler from my parents house (yeah, what kid steals sparkly plastic faux gemstones for his rock collection? Ryan....and ironically his mom when she was in 3rd grade.) Don't get me wrong. We're not talking bullying or anything major. He's just been off. And in large part because of us. We thought we were doing the right thing by keeping him above the fray, only he was knee deep in it with us and patiently waiting for us to notice it. Given the size of our pile of crap this month, the kid should be burning down an ice cream shop, so it's kind of impressive that we're only working on his blurting out in class and bad attitude.
I only share this, since maybe someone else walking through a dark place realizes that a little measured honesty with your kids can produce amazing results. We turned it around (and are continuing the work; we're on day 7 of adjusted) with Ryan, subtly letting him understand that changes are happening, people are flawed and can make choices that hurt us (sometimes not meaning to), mommy and daddy can be hurt and have bad days and it's ok to be honest about that....the lessons go on and on for us this month.
The best part is, our kid is resilient enough to handle the truth and the changes. Because all of this changes his life too. Our cadence is different now as a family. There are gaps to fill and places to slow down where we didn't have the luxury to breathe before. There are less souls to tend to, especially for Max, and it feels a little lonely without a team to look after. But this may give us time to tend to our own family in significant ways. Or maybe to others we haven't gotten to know yet. There's a lot of question marks. The net is that God is working on each of our hearts and we're the kind of people that once given some perspective, will find the good in all situations. In the spirit of honesty, we're not to the point that we're celebrating the trials of January....yet. But I have faith that we will get there.
Peace out January.
We're claiming February as a month of good.
On to the beauties.
Our bookworm has read 12,600+ pages this month. Over 65 chapter books in all. And he actually knows what happened in them! At least we're filling his 5:30am wake up calls with adventurous tales. We found out he's reading level Q (end of 3rd grade). The 2nd grade test doesn't go higher.
Elise is Elise. When she's not being Batman, Ironman or Spiderman. It's funny that the side of superheroes that she plays is not the action, crime fighting part of the narrative. It's the "save the day, take care of others" side. So in other words, it's like she's playing house but wearing a cape while doing it. We'll take that! A lot of this post was about Ryan. Elise is doing well, though battling croup as I type. There's a good chance she's practicing a smoker's cough in the hopes that she can watch movies for the entire month of February. She told me yesterday that she likes her friends a lot, but would rather spend all her time with me. I'll take it. She's my favorite girl to hang out with.
When they're not razzing/tattling they're pretty sweet to one another. I love hearing their conversations. Elise asks Ryan a lot of questions, most are pretty insightful, and Ryan loves being the expert to teach her things.
My little puppies. Ryan knows how to wrestle her back and not hurt her. And Elise is NOT afraid of the fact that he is literally twice her size and weight. No one messes with a Kerry girl.
This picture kills me. It's the reason why students believe his only name is "Coach," and refuse to call him by Mr. Kerry through all this drama. Max is currently refining an elite group of 3rd grader basketball players (and one overly sized 2nd grader with the same last name). He will never stop teaching character development through sport. It's who he was born to be. I couldn't be prouder that he's all mine. And the classiest man of integrity I know.
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